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Have Kids, Will Meet New Parents

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Children are a bonding force in our social relationships and we often meet our closest friends at school, PTA, or endless soccer games. From new parents with infants and toddlers to more seasoned parents of ‘tweens and teens, children are how we meet and what keeps us together throughout the years. It’s like a club, isn’t it? And, as in every club, there are a few simple guidelines:

  1. Yes, of course your toddler will grow up to be a lawyer! S/he has incredible powers of persuasion and constructs compelling, thoughtful arguments. Further, your child displays a trying tenacity when making unreasonable demands and a nascent propensity for courtroom drama. In fact, twenty years from now, all of our children will be lawyers. What a fun world!

  2. Is your child exceptional at sports? Performed brilliantly on his CMTs? You are the lucky parent of a fabulous child. But if you want to make friends, tell us how he picks his nose and wipes it on your upholstery. Has she ever sworn at a teacher? Destroyed your neighbor’s wallpaper? Friendships are forged on the basis of common experiences, humor, and a touch of schadenfreude. If all are present, we’ll become great friends. Then - and only then - will we appreciate your child’s achievements.

  3. Unless you meet specifically to talk about kids, don’t talk about kids. Unless you want to complain. (see #2)

  4. All of our kids say cute things. But it’s the inappropriate things that make us smile. You may think it’s wonderful how your child penned a love sonnet for you in 5 different languages. But it makes our skin crawl. My child talked constantly about trucks when he was young, but he pronounced “tr” as “f”. We got a lot of strange looks. Now, which story would you rather hear? If you chose the first one, we probably aren’t friends.

  5. If you are kind to our child you are our friend forever, regardless of how you feel about that.

  6. It’s wonderful that your child runs a lemonade stand and gives all of the proceeds to charity! Now try this fun exercise: let him earn $20 doing some sort of physical labor. Hand him the cash and bring him to a toy store. After he selects a toy, tell him he can A) put the toy back and purchase a cheaper toy after he’s donated a portion of his earnings to charity, B) buy the more expensive toy and not donate to charity. If he selects A, see #2.

  7. If we’re friends, brag all you want. Because I will.

Sunday, February 23, 2014 • PermalinkKids in Tow    
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